


Please come back to me

by Ellstra



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post V-Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 08:10:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4617936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Harry might be alive."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please come back to me

**Author's Note:**

> For Hartwin week (hartwinweek.tumblr.com) prompt Angst.

Eggsy did celebrate their victory over Valentine. You don’t stop genocide from happening every day after all. But that was just a few moments of oblivion, stolen from the reality too painful to bear. He didn’t drink, just a little he knew wouldn’t get into his head. He knew getting drunk might take his mind off things but it was a long process with various phases. Eggsy knew from experience that before he knocked himself out, he had a depressive, over-thinking moment and he wasn’t sure he might survive it. He was already feeling hollow and getting even more holes inside him might be the death of him. Literally. Besides, he didn’t need to have his head spinning, stomach trying to free itself of whatever he ate in the last decade - judging by the forcefulness of it - and weak limbs. He didn’t need more than the tightened chest with all the sobs that never made it out of his body or the eyes stinging with tears that never spilled.

Merlin told him to sleep and Eggsy wanted to oblige so much. He was so tired he felt like passing out but when he lay down in the plane, he couldn’t stop his mind from whirring. There were pictures, memories, sounds filling his head and he was too weak to make them stop. A kiss followed Harry’s shy smile, the Pretty Woman theme playing gently in the back. Caresses, promises, laughter all mingled into a bundle that filled Eggsy’s throat and threatened to choke him. He pulled the blanket over his head to block the little light that was around him but it didn’t help him a little bit.

Merlin promised a couple of hours of sleep before they landed but Eggsy didn’t doze off for a single second. He considered getting up because lying didn’t get him anywhere but when he tried to move he felt almost sick by the prospect. His legs wouldn’t move from where they were curled against his chest, his arms never letting them go. He just lay there and allowed his mind to torture him; there was a sliver of sweetness to the agony though. All the memories were happy ones because everything Harry did filled Eggsy with happiness – they were sweet because they were happy and they were sour because they will never come back.

Merlin found him those hours later when they landed in Kingsman HQ in England hidden under a blanket, shaking and unwilling to move. Merlin knew full well that Eggsy didn’t close an eye that night after the exhausting fight with Valentine’s men and Gazelle and he probably didn’t sleep much the night before with Harry either. He let the boy lie there, still clothed in the suit and – as Merlin noticed – with shoes on. He had only taken his glasses off because they must have been hurting him and annoying. Or maybe there was a different reason. Merlin knew Harry had never seen the suit but he did have it made extra quickly for Eggsy.

“Call if you need anything,” Merlin murmured softly as he left a cell phone and a piece of paper with a number scribbled on it beside Eggsy. The lad nodded and pulled his knees even closer to his chin. Merlin thought that must have been uncomfortable, maybe even sending cramps through Eggsy’s legs, but he didn’t say anything because what was there to be said? Perhaps the pain was welcome.

It could have been minutes or days before Merlin came back, but when he did, he was a lot less cautious and quiet around Eggsy. The boy huddled the blanket closer and glared at Merlin.

“Harry might be alive,” Merlin said.

Eggsy came to the conclusion he had finally fallen asleep and smiled softly. This looked like a good dream. Nice and warm in which they find Harry and he finally gets the chance to say what he had wanted to tell Harry for ages. A nice dream indeed.

“Eggsy,” Merlin shook with his shoulder. Eggsy frowned. Why was he waking him? He was enjoying the dream – it was a good dream and in it Harry was alive and Eggsy didn’t spend the rest of his life knowing that Harry was disappointed in him because he will make it up to Harry, Harry will understand that he couldn’t kill JB, not with Arthur staring at him like that and-

“Harry may be alive.”

It confused Eggsy. He was quite sure he was awake now. He untangled his limbs and sat up. His legs were stiff and tingled.

“How?” he croaked.

“I was trying to find out where they took his body and it looks like one person survived the bloodshed. They found him lying outside the church. It doesn’t have to be Harry but…” Merlin’s voice trailed off. He didn’t want to give Eggsy false hopes but it was quite possible.

“We’ve got to get going,” Eggsy urged.

“Yes,” Merlin agreed, “but I need to get some fuel into the plane now. You’ve got to go out as they do it. Maybe get something to eat or take a shower.”

Eggsy fled the plane as if his life depended on it. _Harry’s alive_ , he thought hopefully as he walked down the stairs. _Harry’s coming home_. He almost sang as he run into the building. Roxy was waiting in the door for him. She took him in her arms and he embraced her gladly. They held each other for a long time before Eggsy found his breath again.

“We’re going to get him, Rox,” he whispered against her ear. He had her hair in his mouth and he couldn’t care less.

“I know.” She whispered back and ran her hands up and down Eggsy’s back a couple of times.

“Are you coming?” he pulled a little back with his palms still on her shoulders. She noticed they were cold and sweaty.

“Do you want me to?” she asked. Merlin hadn’t invited her but she assumed it wouldn’t be that much of a problem. He hadn’t said much though, he ran to tell Eggsy the news to stop him from doing something stupid.

“Of course,” he smiled and pecked her cheek before stepping away from her. “But now I’m gonna hit a shower.”

“Yeah, you do that,” she patted him on the back and smiled. _You’d better be alive, Galahad_ , Roxy thought as she watched Eggsy’s back. _I don’t know if he’d be able to take it if you weren’t._

…

When they finally left, it was getting dark again. Eggsy was lying on the cot, hoping he would be able to get his sleep this time; they had about eight hours of flight before them. Merlin lay down as well; Percival was piloting this time. Merlin had insisted he could take it but Roxy would hear nothing about it. Eggsy curled up and pulled the sleeves of Merlin’s sweater over his fingers and clutched them in his palms. He had to borrow some of the man’s clothes because he only had the blood-smeared suit and it probably wouldn’t make a good impression.

“Good night, Eggsy,” Roxy mumbled and he smiled at her, too tired to answer with words. All the knots inside him had untangled and he could breathe again. He saw the worried glances the others gave him, especially Roxy, but he didn’t let them take his hope away. He closed his eyes and he was asleep in a few seconds.

…

“My Dad was in that church,” Eggsy told the receptionist in the hospital. He hated pretending Harry was his Dad, _it was so creepy_ , but Merlin had insisted he couldn’t be Harry’s brother because it would look suspicious and Eggsy had to agree.

“What’s his name?” she asked him.

“Jeremy Lance,” Eggsy replied. They had to give the name Harry had used when he flew to the States so there wouldn’t be more problems than there already was.

“I don’t have anyone by that name here,” she said and Eggsy felt like a building fell on him again. “But we haven’t identified all the victims. Especially the living one.”

“Living?” Eggsy’s face lit up again.

“Yes,” she nodded. “You’ll need to go to another building. The ICU is opposite the door a big building made of blue glass. Then go to the second floor, there is a reception.”

“Thank you,” Eggsy could kiss her.

…

“That’s him.” Eggsy whispered. Her looked at the unconscious man lying in the bed. Despite all the IVs and monitors around, it was undoubtedly Harry. Eggsy turned to the doctor. He didn’t like the face at all. What did it mean?

“The shot wasn’t dangerous, the bullet didn’t cause any significant damage to the brain. Your father had however fallen to the ground and lost consciousness.” The doctor made a pause. Eggsy didn’t want him to make pauses. Pauses meant bad news. “His brain was too long without oxygen. His body is alive but we do not know whether he will wake up.”

“What?” Eggsy was trying to make sense of the sentence. _Whether he will wake up? What was that supposed to mean? He was alive, he was going to wake up. Like he woke up last time._

“To be completely honest with you, Mr Lance, if your father doesn’t wake within the next few days, his awakening is unlikely.” The doctor had a pleasant calming voice. Eggsy hated it.

“Can you… can I stay here alone with him for a while?” he requested. His voice was trembling, his shoulders shaking and the tears finally came to his eyes.

“Of course,” the doctor retreated politely and closed the door behind him without the slightest noise. Eggsy shuffled towards the bed. Harry was lying there, broken and patched together with lots of wires and other crap. Eggsy wanted to rip them all off to get to Harry but he still had enough reason in him not to do it.

_Harry, come back to me._ Eggsy took Harry’s hand into his. It was pale but warm, just as it was when Eggsy took it the day they met. There were splinters behind Harry’s nails and bloodstains that remained where they didn’t wash completely. Eggsy knelt down beside the bed and he pulled the hand to his lips. That way, he could pretend it never happened.

…

_You can do it, Harry_. It’s been twelve hours. Merlin, Roxy and Percival had taken turns watching over Eggsy after he told them about the situation. He insisted on staying by Harry’s side and they had to force feed him some water and a donut they bought in the hospital canteen. Roxy was the most natural of companions. She never said anything; she was there, silent, observing, always willing to let him cry on her shoulder. She wished she could be more useful to Harry.

…

_Please, come back, Harry, I miss you._ Two more days passed. Merlin and Percival had left already. The world was half crippled and they had to take care of it. Roxy was torn between staying and leaving with them – she was Lancelot now and with Arthur and Galahad gone, they were short on hands capable of helping. But she couldn’t leave Eggsy there. She feared that if she left him there, the next time Eggsy left the room would be when he’s dead. He barely ever slept and getting him to eat something was becoming a truly herculean task.

…

_Come back, Harry. For me. I need you._ After a whole week, Roxy knew she had to leave. And she also knew she had to drag Eggsy back with her. This was tearing him apart and if he were to recover, he had to leave the hospital.

He struggled. He swore he would never leave Harry. He cried about it being his fault. He begged her to do something – anything – as if there was something she could do. He kept pointing how they shouldn’t leave Harry alone. He had let him go once and how it turned out? He was not leaving Harry alone again.

It broke her heart. Eggsy looked so miserable she might have thought he was the patient there. He needed to work; he needed a distraction from all this if he was ever to let go. Roxy had seen the doctors, she could tell they weren’t optimistic. They only talked to Eggsy and he never spoke of what they said, following the rule “it’s not true if I don’t hear it.”

…

_I’m sorry for leaving, Harry. The world needs me. But if you come back, so will I._

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the worst (as in "evil" worst not "bad" worst. ugh, stupid English.) fanfic I've ever written. I'm sorry.   
> I just find the idea of Harry being alive but not quite even more heartbreaking than him being dead properly.


End file.
